


(Feel Free) When I See No One

by lozhki



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Friends With Benefits, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Misunderstandings, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:42:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22227622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lozhki/pseuds/lozhki
Summary: Sid tries to ask for something in bed. He regrets it.
Relationships: Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	(Feel Free) When I See No One

Sid didn’t really want to say anything. Let’s get that on the record right now. He was lucky to have Geno.

So Geno didn’t like to bottom or suck cock. Not a problem, a lot of guys don’t like that stuff too much and considering Sid was Geno’s first guy he wasn’t surprised about the potential nerves his teammate would have performing. He didn’t want to say anything because he didn’t mind it being a little unbalanced—it’s not like Sid wasn’t happy getting fucked by his incredibly hot teammate and hearing Geno try to muffle his moans when Sid went down on him.

But Sid did say something. He said a big something. Because on a night before an optional skate Sid thought it was worth asking if Geno wanted to blow him for a little bit, not swallow or anything. Just a hint of that amazing mouth wrapped around his cock. They were in bed, Sid kissing his way up Geno’s chest after getting his cock hard and wet for sex and he just couldn’t help it. He leaned in and whispered in Geno’s ear, “I want to feel your mouth on me” and pulled back to see shock in Geno’s eyes. “Please,” he added quietly.

Geno’s upper lip curled in a disgusted confusion. “No?” he asked, like he wasn’t even sure Sid knew how crazy the request was. They’d never had that conversation. “Is gay.”

Oh. Sid’s arms felt shaky, holding himself up over Geno. Fuck. Was Geno serious?

Sid lowered himself slowly to give his arms a break. He landed on Geno’s thighs so that his cock was brushing against Geno’s and the sensation was still good, still so fucking good. “Geno” He whined, pleading for Geno to feel and love this sensation, love being with Sid.

He felt a shiver go up his spine and grabbed both of their cocks in his hand. Sid gasped and fell towards Geno’s mouth—because sometimes Geno let them kiss. Geno reached up and curled his hands up Sid’s back to wrap around his shoulders and hold him close, pressing his tongue into Sid’s mouth which sent a pulse of arousal through Sid’s body. Yes, Geno saw it now, Geno wanted this now. Wanted Sid’s body and cock.

“Good, yes…” Geno muttered, arching his hips up into Sid’s hand, squeezing his eyes shut at the sensation.

“Geno! Fuck, Geno.” Sid whispered against his lips in response. Geno’s cock was amazing and Sid tightened his grip to feel them press together. His hand was speeding up and he was back to fully hard now. “Geno…isn’t this…god, _fuck_, see? Your mouth would feel even better. Oh, more!”

Geno pushed up hard into Sid, wait no, he pushed up hard to shove Sid _off of him_. Sid released their cocks to catch his balance, falling back on the bed.

“What the fuck? Why you do that?” Geno looked livid and Sid suddenly felt like every opposing player who crossed Geno on the ice. He felt like his lungs weren’t getting enough air.

“Uh, Geno, come on, I was just saying if—“

“I hear you! No again.” Geno practically _growled_ at him. “We do good and fun and you…you, you make stupid. Fuck you! Fuck you, Sid!” Geno was pulling himself out of the bed, his hard-on flagging. He was viciously tearing through their clothes to find his own. He rammed his leg so aggressively into his boxers, Sid was amazed they didn’t rip.

“Geno, I’m sorry!” Sid thought about getting up too but felt dizzy, his lungs still struggling and his heart beating in overtime. “Geno, I didn’t mean it, please! Let’s just try again, I’m sorry.”

Geno stopped with one arm in the sleeve of his shirt. The scowl he gave Sid was darker than Sid had ever seen on his face. To Sid’s absolute horror he could feel a tear at the corner of his eye. Oh god no. He just wanted Geno to look at him with the happiness of 10 minutes ago when they stumbled into his bedroom.

“You sorry.” Geno heaved, sounding like he wanted Sid to expand on that.

“Yeah.” Sid was still kneeling on the bed, back on his heels. He’d pulled the blankets around himself but he still felt so exposed. Sid was having trouble breathing and he knew the next words mattered so much. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry I said anything, alright? I just…I really like giving you blowjobs and I thought. I don’t know, I thought maybe you’d want to try too. I know it would be, be your first time so I don’t want you to be nervous or uncomfortable but I thought that would…um”

“Is gay.”

And Sid was losing his confidence here because Geno was not looking any calmer and Sid just didn’t want to be the one to tell him they already were gay because it now seemed like that was bad news Geno could not take.

“I just…in my world view, the way I was raised…anything with two men together is sort of, um, sort of not straight. So in Canada what, what, um, you and I have been doing this season is sort of, well, sort of already…gay.” Sid’s voice had gone quieter and quieter until he was sure he’d only mouthed the last word. Just as well.

Geno’s eyes were a storm of anger and disbelief warring with each other. Sid couldn't believe this is where they were, that he was really hoping disbelief would win out.

“You think. You think I _gay_?” Sid could feel Geno’s incredulity in his words. But he wasn’t shouting and Sid needed to count his blessings here.

“No! No, I think you sometimes…_do things_ that are potentially…gay. Not you as a person. Like, um, when we started having sex. In English there’s an old word called sodomy, and that’s what we’ve been doing so it just uh, fit that definition.”

“Fuck in ass?” Geno asked dubiously, sounding for all the world like he’d been tricked.

“Well. Yes. Just my…definitions. In my country or, uh, culture or whatever.”

“Boy fuck girl in ass too. I fuck you ass because is only hole. Only choice.” Geno sniffed.

Oh. Sid felt sick. “But. But I’m not a girl.”

Geno nodded. “But is _like_ girl. Is girl job.”

He’d been having sex and, admittedly, falling for someone who thought he was essentially a replacement for a girl. He really felt the tears coming in now and, damnit, that would only serve to prove Geno right. The emotions were welling up and Sid felt like he was choking on his own throat. He was afraid to form words because he knew that he’d start crying. And Geno was just standing there, pulling his shirt on, and looking at Sid like he was crazy, like Sid shouldn’t be surprised and heartbroken that Geno had thought he was just a hole to fuck.

“I…Geno, I think” Sid could hear the warble in his voice, could hear he was seconds away from a breakdown. Fuck this shit. The ball of fear and shame lodged itself high in his chest and made each breath painful. “I think. You should. Should go. And we…we won’t do this again.”

Geno looked a little put out and upset but continued gathering his clothes. And Sid was so, so tired all of a sudden. He fell face forward into the quilt and let the sobs come. Fuck, he was an idiot, such an idiot. He had to go and fall for Geno. Sid twisted on his side, curling into a ball and trembling as the sobs wracked him. He felt so small. And so stupid. He tried to blow his nose and wipe his tears and hide his face all at once and just gave up. Fuck. He sucked in air, but inhaled the blanket pressed against his face. Sid jolted back, coughing and still heaving as he tried to pull real air into his lungs. Blinking out the tears as he tried to calm his breathing, Sid opened his eyes. It seemed horribly unfair that Sid wasn’t shocked Geno was gone, but that it still could put a knife in his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Lana Del Rey's "God Knows I Tried"
> 
> I really tried to write a second chapter with a happy ending but I couldn't quite wrap my head around it. If you'd like to have a go...


End file.
